We Give a "hoot" about adoption

For National Adoption Month The Harrisville Birth Mother group put together a christmas tree to be auctioned off to raise money for a local school district.

The event opened today and we are so excited to say the tree has already sold! We are so proud of our little tree!

I am walking 4....

Alright so I didn't even get to walk! WE had so much going on that day I could only be there for 2 hours! But I still was able to meet wonderful people who care about adoption! I was so cold but so worth it to see so many people come out and support adoption!

I loved seeing adoptive mothers talk to thier kids about the birth mothers name that was on thier back. Its so wonderful that they adoptive couples and Birth parents can come together and celebrate the life of a child!

I love adoption!

 Bryce  I love you!

Happy National Adoption Month!

The R House has Challenged blogger's to blog about adoption this month! I have decided to take this challenge although I can promise I will miss a few days here and there! I promise to better about blogging for adoption! 
So Here Goes!

I hope you all can make it to this wonderful event! I am so excited to be able to go this year!

Hope to see you all there!

Glee

Before I start let me just say this.... I understand Glee is a show for ratings and totally understand that FOX doesn't really care about what the adoption world thinks about their story plot.

However I must say how sorry I am that they were not able to show the amazing power and love adoption  can bring. to someones life.
I am a huge choir nerd I love choir and so 3 years ago when I heard about it glee I was SO excited! I love the music they do its amazing!  The first year the head cheerleader Quinn became pregnant and decided to place her little girl for adoption... However the makers of Glee don't feel that place is the right word they choose to use give up. They also have made points that birth mothers don't want or love the child that was placed. and they have also show how placing a child for adoption can ruin your life...

I am so sad that the chance Fox had to teach those who watch this show about the blessing of adoption has been lost in showing the horrible side of adoption. This is my opinion others can have their own.
Let me just say this.. i didn't give Bryce up... I placed him in the arms of a loving couple who will help him grow ti be a better man... I love Bryce and I placed him out of love, I did not place him because i did not want him... I placed him because he needed and deserved more then I could give.... Birth mothers aren't evil people who make a sudden choice and regret it for the rest of their lives adoption is not an impulse decision its something that takes alot of guts to do its something that seriously tears your heart out.... I will always love my sweet little Bryce but that little part of me that cries over him not being with me rejoices in seeing him be with the two people I trusted enough to place him with and watching him grow and talk and laugh and learn. I love tell the world that I am a Birth Mother and here is why!
So Fox... I hope you know your are wrong and adoption is a wonderful blessing!

Trials

You know the feeling when things just aren't going your way... like this black cloud of misery is just following you around? I am not saying like having a bad day I mean like having a bad week, month or months maybe even year? Ya I have had those...
You worry what more could possible go wrong and just when you think you hit the bottom it just keeps on coming!
I have had my moments where I blamed alot of people.. then I blamed myself and well that didn't turn out so well for me... But after my pregnancy with Bryce and after i placed I thought okay life is going to get better now..
I love the story Cinderella and I love happy endings! I found my Prince Charming, my Mr. Darcy, it was my turn for a happily ever after. Right?
Wrong! So wrong... I would like to think that after me and Kyle got married we would have no problems life would just be easy.
Well I was wrong life is never easy I found.... In my mind the lord had tested me enough and it was time for a break time for life to slow down.
When I was at the end of my pregnancy with Bryce I was very very sick... I was in so much pain and I had heart burn with everything they couldn't figure out what was wrong. After I had Bryce things got better I felt better but my heart burn never went away I was drinking bottles of Malox and Mylanta like they were kool-aid. Luckily I found a great job at a medical clinic and I had good insurance and they paid for some of my medical bills if I went to that clinic. So I decided to try going to a heartburn Doctor... however i still feared men so i went to a mid-level since it was a girl so we tried every type of heartburn pill and found I was allergic to all of them... awesome...
Then I finally went to see the Male Doctor there who was an actual M.D.  He thought the heartburn surgery they do would fix my little problem but just decided to do a C.T. scan just to make sure everything was good...
4 hours after my scan I got a call... I knew something was wrong because they said they would tell me my results in 2 days.... Not 4 hours... My Doctor told me they found two lesions on my liver and I needed an emergency MRI.... The next morning I got the MRI done and went back to work thinking it would be a few days to read that on at least... 3 hours later I was making an appointment with a local hospital to have a biopsy done on one of the tumors they had found on my liver...
I was very upset for awhile I  remember thinking "Really heavenly father really? haven't I done enough haven't I shown enough strength for one year?"
Then after anger I blamed my self again thinking this must be a punishment for making so many mistakes in my life this must be payback for me not living the life I should have.... Then I was terrified about what would happen next and how me and Kyle would handle it...
At the Hospital the next day 6 hours of waiting and about an hour of laying on a table being poked with needles they gave up all hope of a biopsy and decided Huntsman Cancer Center was the best place for me... The tumor was to close to all my vital organs for them to try the Biopsy...
So 2 weeks later we were off to the Cancer center.. and suddenly all thoughts about why me and how come left..... walking through the halls holding hand with my husband I was humbled beyond words... I watched families holding children who were battle cancer... I watch husbands and wives doing puzzles together in the halls one with an iv in their hand and no hair on their head.. I watched families in the waiting room terrified of what was next.... Suddenly I felt thankful.. I was so thankful I wasn't waiting to hear about my child or about my husband I was thankful it was me and no one else I was thankful that I had been blessed to have a smaller trial then those around me.
2 months later I went back to the cancer center to have my tumor removed thankful it was not cancerous and the other tumor is to small to worry about so I never have to go back (knock on wood)
But from April to September I though my life could not get any worse.... I was upset and angry and hurt...
But I learned so much now I find I am so thankful for the chance I had to do experience all of those things...

Some days we just are so overloaded that we ask why... but I can tell you after a few months or even a year you will see why and you might even be thankful for the trial placed before you! Some things I do hope you do when your hit with the rainstorm over your head that seems it will never end is 1. remember you are not alone. 2. Never blame your self know that its part of life some times bad things happen to good people 3. pull out your umbrella and just smile because you are loved

Guest Blogging

This weekend Birthmothers for Adoption was asking for guest bloggers so I thought why not! I have never done it before but here goes nothing! So head on over and check it out! Birthmothers for adoption!

Self Esteem Part 2

Be YOU! Be who you want to be no who others want you to be!

I think this is something everyone has struggled with once in their life is being someone others want them to be either so you can fit in or just be liked more… But you are never really happy in life until you find out who you are and you can never do that unless you are honest with yourself and others!

  Live according to a personal value system

What do you stand for… do you want people to know you for Honesty? Loyalty? Kind to others? Sit down and write down who you want to be what you want to stand for what you want to think of yourself…

  Set healthy boundaries with relationships. ALL relationships

Learn how to set boundaries learn what space you need… This can be a hard thing to do but in the long run it is worth it… we have not only the right, but the duty to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us

  Accept responsibility for yourself, your thoughts and actions.

Be proud of what you do… if you make mistakes be proud that you can learn from them... For along time I was so afraid to tell people about Bryce and about me being a birth mother, I feel awful for even thinking that way now.. I am so grateful for all the blessings I have in my life and alot of them I wouldn't have if I hadn't made the choices I had. Bryce is someone to celebrate not to hide!

  Give back, help others

A wonderful way to make you feel good and others feel good is to help them; just smiling at someone can make your day a little bit better… There are thousands of ways to help others in this world find one that fits you I can guarantee your days will be brighter when you help others I love being able to help other birth mothers

Self Esteem Part 1

I have had a few e-mails asking me for the presentaiton I gave on Saturday... I had a few parts to it so I will put them up here in parts so I don't make a HUGE post... Here you go!


For the personal references to my story please look at the side bar and read my story before reading these :)


Steps To Regaining or Gaining Self Esteem!


  Stop feeling guilty.  Try to understand where your guilt is stemming from and realize that you deserve all the good things that happen to you

I had to realize that the reason I was feeling the way I was is because one person.. that one abusive relationship caused me to lose control of everything and years later I still was letting him control me… I had to realize he isn't in my life anymore and I am me and people should like me for me...

  Stop beating yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes.  People need to make mistakes to learn from them.  It is natural and there is no such thing as a perfect person.

I had to stop demanding perfection had to learn from the mistakes I made in my life and embrace the mistakes I was and am bound to make in the future.. My new motto in life is Come what may and love it (Elder Wirthlins talk here)… My life is not nor was it ever meant to be perfect. I believe that there was on;y one perfect person who walk this earth and he died for us so we can have choice and accountability so we can make mistakes and not be perfect... But thought the power of repentance we can return to our Heavenly Father... I believe in the healing power of the Atonement

I firmly believe that we were sent down to earth to be tried and tested to endure many things and though our trials find the faith of knowing we will again live with our father in heaven who loves us.

Exercise. Exercise makes you feel better about yourself.  It will increase your energy level, release chemicals into your brain called “endorphins” which make you feel happier and exercise lowers stress. Get ready for the day get out of bed and take a shower

I know everyone has days they don't even want to get out of bed... but I promise you get up take a walk or a run ... … My favorite advice I have been given is Dress the way you want to feel not the way you do feel… Get up get moving and ready for the day even if you are just going to the store for a gallon of milk dress how you want to feel!

  Fix it, if you feel as if you are not “smart enough” or good at anything, increase your knowledge about those subjects.  Then you will feel confident in that subject.  Also having an increased knowledge will give you a strong sense of worth. This feeling of worth is very important to building your confidence and boosting your self-esteem.

I remember many things that I was told I was not good enough at when I was in my abusive relationship some of which are not loading the dishwasher right or not folding towels the correct way, I had to figure out which way was right for me… But if you feel that you are lacking knowledge in something then the best way to handle it is to fix it! WE are so blessed to have the power of the internet of the luxury of the library at our disposable!  I can promise you there will be days when we all will fail... but take you failures and turn them into a positive, look at at your failures as something you can learn from not as something that brings you down!

  Replace negative thoughts with  positive ones.  Having positive thoughts is an essential key to fixing low self-esteem.  Thinking positively kills any negative thoughts you may be having about yourself, your appearance and your skills, making you feel competent, attractive and a good person

This was by far the hardest thing I think for me to grasp… it wasn’t until I was teaching a lesson to some young women last year that I started to be able to start adding this in to my healing process, Every morning I woke up and I looked in the mirror and I remembered I am a Child of God and he loves me and I love him!  Mornings are beautiful when I remember that!

I realize that many people who read this blog may not know of The Chuch of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. But this is my beliefs that i chose to share with you. Wether or not you believe in the LDS faith... Please know that thier is someone who will alway love you and protect you... know that we are never alone in our time of need we will always have our father in heaven to guide us.

Day 2

Well day two was wonderful as well but for a totally different reason.. In the morning we decided to skip classes and go hang out with the Dwelle's and get all the boys together for a fun train ride to SLC and play down there for a few hours.. it had to be quick because I had to get back to present my class... It was so good to see Bryce and Carter! Bryce is SO big.. But we did finally get a picture of me and Bryce where I semi look normal... Yay for me ...

I must say my heart was so full Saturday morning watching Bryce interact with his parents, I loved just watching him on the way home he was very tired and I guess when he gets tired he talks and says silly things he sat by me and Kyle and tried selling us hot chocolate he talked pretty much the whole train ride home it was crazy listening to him talk... He is growing up so fast. And he is SO happy I can see how much he loves Rebecca and Jared and I just am so proud of the little man he is becoming!

I love adoption and on days like Saturday its hard to not shout it from the roof tops!

Day 1

Day 1 of conference was wonderful here is some information I have that I wanted to share
Husbands of Birth mothers
I thought this panel was awesome.. although my husband was on it so I am not a good judge of that but the best judge. I think the best advice that was given was be up front and honest about i being a birth mother let the guy you are dating know... in alot of cases they won't mind they will admire you for your strength courage and honesty... however that's not to say everyone won't mind... some guys you date might care... but a great quote is
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." --Dr. Seuss
If they were meant to be in your life they would accept you for who you are and if they don't then your are better with out them in my personal opinion...
Anywho another thing that I liked that was mentioned someone asked what did you family say when you told them you were dating a girl who had placed for adoption... My husbands response was
"Your not getting married to your in-laws so if they don't like it you can just move away"
So true not the move away part although I guess you can but when you are going to get married being accepted by your future in-laws in going to a challenge no matter what... birth mother or not its still scary... but adding that into the mix is still even scarier... however now that I am married and gone through all that its so important to know that in the end all that matters is you and your spouse... don't worry about anyone else or that can hurt your relationship with your spouse.  I think Dr. Seuss' quote fits well into here to!


Next was the giving back class and I adore and love Jessa (she does the Birth mothers 4 adoption and Scholarships 4 Birth mother blogs) She placed a few weeks after i did and I wish I had jumped in and done more like she has done...
She talked about giving back as a birth mother something I am so interested in.. She quoted The Princess Bride saying don't get into the pit of Despair - it can suck you and you can get stuck forever
Giving back has many benefits for others and for you They talked about the proper terminology which I will post about later.
Something I loved that was said was be proud for what you have done tell people about it share your story anyway you can. Let people know about adoption, these are new statistics from the national council for adoption. Last year in the U.S. there were 1.2 Million abortions and only 18,000 infants born in the U.S. were placed for adoption... Those numbers make me sick... how many children could we have saved if the world was educated about adoption and its benefits?

So lets get out there and spread the word!

 

Sister Beck at Conference

This past weekend was amazing for so many different reasons!

I wasn't able to go to as many classes as I had planed because of a massive Headache I got towards the end of the first day but I would love to share with you the my favorite parts of the first day!

Sister Beck is a wonderful speaker every time I listen to her even if its a a training meeting for Relief Society she can just lift your spirits up and make you feel like you can conquer the world!

Julie Spoke alot who the needs for the adoption program in the church have changed so much of the years  and instead of it being for children with out parents its now helping parents with out children. She talked about how many women in the bible were unable to have children and dealt with the pain and sorrow of not have the blessing of a child for many years.

The she shared a wonderful story about her family and how her father and his first wife had 4 children and sadly the 4th was taken from them shortly after birth... then shortly after that his wife died of cancer...

She said how at his wife's funeral he had one child in his arms and the other two hanging  on his coat, He told himself ; "This challenge will not defeat me"

She talked about how some of our experiences and trials with strengthen us and some will teach us.

At the end of her talk I couldn't get the words will not defeat me out of my mind.

I love the strength behind those words...

I know as I have struggled through the years I have though how can I not let this defeat me or consume me!

Some times we take out trials with grace and other times we hit them head on ready for the battle... for me I would like to think I have done that but I know I have had time when I cave and fallen into Satan's grasp and let sorrow despair and pain overpower the knowledge I have that our father in heaven loves us.

I am so grateful that Sister Beck came and spoke and I am so grateful I was able to be strengthened by her talk and testimony and I hope that as new trials and sorrows come into my life I can proudly say;

"This challenge will not defeat me" 

3 years

Today Bryce is 3!

As the week began to close today crept closer and closer... I am normally just fine when Bryce hits a big mile stone in this case his birthday... But this year something was different I am not sure what made me feel the way I do this year I have my guesses.... But this year I would sit down for a second and just burst into tears.... I have been trying to keep busy and doing a good job and then any free moment I would cry...
After placement there has always been a pain but it hasn't been too bad its not like a could hanging over me and making my days dark its more away for me to remember him and how much I love him and owe him for helping me say on the right path when i was pregnant with him... 
it wasn't that pain yesterday that started to hurt it was something different it was a fear... Bryce is now 3 he is now talking and understanding and learning... now more then ever I fear that he won't understand my choice or when he comes to see me he will hate me... I know a 3 year old is not going to understand birth mothers and adoption or anything like that I don't expect him to but its one year closer to the age where he will understand that.. I am terrified he will think I placed him because I didn't want him or love him i am so scared he will be upset with my choice....
I finally listened to my husband and texted Rebecca and asked her to give him a hug and a kiss and let him know I love him.. I told her I was having a hard time and really needed some pictures... Then I got a phone call and sweet little Bryce was telling me how church was on the other end and "showing" me his dump trucks and letting me know his cake had lots of sprinkles. My heart was for of love for the Dwelle's for calling me and talking to me! They are so understanding I love them so much.
I know when the time comes and Rebecca and Jared have to explain why I placed they will do a wonderful job... I know they love adoption and Bryce will grow to love adoption just as much as they do... I know Bryce is getting older but it doesn't mean he is old enough to hate my guts like all the other horror stories I hear...

I will never regret my choice I love adoption it was truly the best thing for me and for Bryce. It has brought so much joy I can handle days like this when I know he is happy and health and most important sealed to such amazing people!

I love Bryce love the Dwelle  family... And I Love Adoption!

What do you do?

As crazy as it sounds a girl who didn't eat that much... I love to cook I have always loved to cook... some friends from high school would laugh because I made them the worst tasting box macaroni in the world one day... I most of the time made some good food... after High School I went to culinary arts classes at the ATC by my parents house... I fell in love with baking and experimenting with food... I had alot of comments on never trust a skinny chef.. and honestly I tasted my food but I made it for others that's what I enjoyed I am not sure if I did it because a little part of me loved hearing the things people would say about my cooking or if I just like the thought of me being semi okay at something....
Now I am not saying I am the worlds best chef... I am just saying it was my outlet it was my me time.. In alot of ways it still is my me time... I love having friends over and making a meal I love cooking for others... When I placed Bryce I cooked alot before and after placement before I had my son Benjamin when ever I had a bad day at work or I just was so stressed I baked.
the March after I placed Bryce I had been very sick and finally the Doctors were able to discover a huge medical issue from march until September of that year I was so stressed and upset I baked a lot! there was always a goodies at my house for anyone who came over!

So I decided to add a cooking blog there will be a link up at the top!

But now the tables have turned what do you do for yourself? What is you "ME" time what helps you calm down and unwind after a tough day?

Are you a Brave Girl?

Let me let you in on one of my favorite sites in the whole wide world! Its called the Brave Girls club! I love it! I was introduced to it a few months ago when I started attended a birth mother group. I love their blog posts and I absolutely love the daily truths? Why do you ask... Because I am such a firm believer in the fact that each one of us is amazing and special and loved.... But sadly from time to time we all forget that or things happen that just make us feel plain awful... and some times it hurts to be happy...
Well Every morning I wake up to these daily truths and they just put a smile on my face what a way to start a day! I suggest you all go here now and sign up...
Here is so far my favorite one

And Link this story with this blog post from them here


I love it I think so many times we lose sight of the bigger picture focusing on something that hurts us  but it doesn't just hurt us it ends up controlling us and  making us lose sight of the things that are important and its hard to let the pain got and look at the beauty around us. I know so many times I take my trail and make it my life instead of take my trail and make it work around my life... Trials make us who we are they make us stronger but I know I tend to shut people and the world out when I am hurting how amazing would it be if I let people help me and in turn help others!

I love the Brave girls club... I hope you all sign up for the daily truth so you can all start your day off with a smile know how amazing and wonderful you are!

FSA Conference! Are you Going?

Hey Everyone Just a Reminder to sign up for this years FSA conference!
I am So excited its my first one! And I am Presenting and My hubby is on a panel!

Register to come here!

Its going to be wonderful!

Life after Placement

The day of placement was a day I will never forget it will always be a part of me, the night I came home it was opening night of the Summer Olympics I sat and watched that which kept my mind off of the thoughts and feelings I was having... But then it was time for bed... I remember going down to my room thinking I would just fall asleep... But sleep never came tears came and I could stop them I cried and cried.. I didn't want my family to see me I just wanted to stay down in my room forever... but sadly I really needed to go to the bathroom (TMI?) I went up stairs and tried to hide my face from my family and failed... My dad saw me and brought me over to his huge rocking chair and held me and rocked me until I was able to calm down.
Looking back on that night I am so thankful to have such wonderful parents who were strong enough to help me through that time... I know that day wasn't easy for them either but they stood by me and supported me through it all!

Grieving is an important part of the adoption process... it helps us heal and it helps us to move forward with our lives. It is so important to have a good cry and to let your feelings out... write it down or talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling.

Bryce will always be a huge part of my life I love him so much, however he is not all of my life... the first week after placement I remember always checking my e-mail I was obsessed with my e-mail I couldn't wait to hear about Bryce and what he was doing... after that first week I realized that my while life can't revolve around my inbox.. I have to move on.. I need to move on....
I was talking to Kyle about all this and that next week or so... whenever I was feeling up to going out for a whole day... he planned a "all about Katy day" it was a wonderful day we walked around gardens went mini golfing, the parade of homes ( I love looking at homes)... We didn't talk about the adoption process we just focused on me that was the rule...
It was the best day I was so happy I was able to see that  I wasn't always going to have a dark cloud over me and that my life just needed balance a place for my future but also a place for my past!

I love Bryce and I always will but I am happy to say I am happy and I am proud to say I am a birthmom!
Its okay to be happy I know Bryce would want me to be happy... I know that he is happy and that make everything all worth it!

You're Better then you think you are

Along time ago a good friend bought me this book.

 At the time I refused to read it because I was so set on hating myself, as silly as that sounds...

well I finally read it a few years ago...  I love it! 

" We all face responsibilities that seem overwhelming at times, We all have recurring feelings of falling short of our desire to do better. And we all have ample evidence that we are far from perfect."

Isn't that the truth!

When I was going through my tough times I striveed for perfection,

I wanted to be perfect because after a few months of being told you didn't do that right or hit for not loading the dishes right or folding the towels the right way... I felt I had to be perfect in order for anyone to love me! 

I was so wrong and I wish I would have seen how wrong I was. Now I see that it is our imperfections that makes us who we are. No one is perfect if we were then how boning would life be.

In this book it  gives a quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell-

"the first thing to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is that it is normal"

We are not alone in feeling like this i am sure your friends and family all have felt that they can be better...

How ever it gives advice on how to change this...

So here is my challenge for the weekend, Write a not to someone you love... At the end of this note the end of this note  write "you're better than you think you are"

Let us all focus on the things you have done instead of what you haven't focus on the things you have improved on instead of the things you haven't focus on on what good you have in you rather then what bad you think you have.

Lets us all remember, 

We are better than we think we are!

Sincerely, KatyDid

Horton Knows Best

In my sons bedroom I hung as sign it has one of my favorite quotes on it,

"A persons, a person no matter how small" - Dr. Suess

When I had to tell the Birth Father I was expecting I hadn't talk to him in 5 Months I was so terrified. I wrote a letter. Took it to my old work and had a wonderful friend take it in to him. He refused to come out and see me... but he sent a text saying "you should have had it taken care of"

I was so upset over this statement it wasn't Bryce's fault I had made the wrong choice,

Bryce was a sweet innocent child of our heavenly father why should he have to suffer for my mistakes.

If you are expecting and you are thinking about abortion please allow me to plea with you to take a different route... I know how scary it is to find out you are pregnant at a young age and alone. But I can promise you if you chose abortion it will always weigh on your mind you will have a pain that can never be filled.

adoption brings happiness it is hard it is painful but you will be able to have the reassuring knowledge that your child has a life that is full of love, hope, joy, and happiness.

Know that you are not alone in this journey their are so many who can help you!

Always Remember

"A persons, A person no matter how small"

I love Adoption!

The End of the Beginning that is

Jared, Rebecca,Bryce, and Kuma

Me and Kyle

Well as most of you have guessed life went on the day after placement, The Elder in my story is now my sweet husband Kyle. Bryce is now almost 3 and I now have a boy of my own who is almost 1!

We have an open adoption and just recently I started advocating for adoption.

I have such a passion for adoption, for birth mothers and for adoptive mothers! Together birth families and adoptive families make this such a special blessing.

I know that Bryce will understand one day that I didn't place him because  I didn't want him or love him I placed him so he could have the things I couldn't give him I placed him so he could have an enternal family I placed him so he could have a father who loved him and who would teach him right from wrong and how to play ball.... (Although I must say the 49ers are so much better then the Bronco's its okay Jared I forgive you you have been brain washed.)

Bryce 3 weeks old Visiting Before he was able to finally go home



Jared, Rebecca, Bryce, and Me on my Wedding Day



My Son Benjamin, Bryce's younger Brother Carter, And Bryce



Bryce and Baby Brother Carter



Me and Bryce age 2



Me and Bryce almost 2

My Story Part 4

Placement day- other wise known as a very hard day

I wanted out of the hospital as soon as I could I hate hospitals.... So 24 hours after Bryce was born we did the placement. To be honest I didn't know what to think that day I had no idea what to expect.
I sat in the room with Bryce and The Elder  I told Bryce How much I loved him I explained to him how important he was to me and how blessed he is to have so many people love him. I told him all about Jared and Rebecca and how he would grow to love the out doors just as much as they did... I told him he even had a dog and Kuma was going to love him so much! I remember singing to him I am a Child Of God I explained to him how important it was to have an eternal family and that returning to live with our heavenly father is our whole purpose of coming to earth. I begged his forgiveness for not being perfect and for any pain I may have caused him.
And then I was okay my shoulder felt a huge weight lift off of them I know he had no idea what I was saying but I knew Jared and Rebecca would explain how much I loved him!
I pulled myself together enough to not cry for when Jared and Rebecca entered the room but then I saw Rebecca crying and I just lost it. Never in my life have I felt so much love for someone she understood how hard it was and she knew it was going to be very painful for me to say goodbye.
Reading the papers was the worst and hardest thing to get through...(Come to find out you can totally read them before the placement! I strongly suggest doing that.)
When the time came for me to Place Bryce in Rebecca's arms I felt such a peace come over me. I cried and Cried but not cause I was sad but because I knew how right this was. I knew how much Bryce needed to be with Jared and Rebecca.

On the day of the placement I gave Bryce a teddy bear. I built this teddy bear when I was a senior in high school and when I like to say my life was alot simpler.

Placement day- otherwise known as A day that makes you stronger

My Story Part 3

Never in my life have I been so scared to meet someone then I was the day I went to meet Jared and Rebecca! I thought so many things and i think I changed clothes alot that morning. I thought what if they think I am ugly so I will have an ugly baby and they wont want him... or what if I walk in the room and they get a bad feeling and they say "I am sorry this was all a mistake"
But Thankfully nothing bad happened just alot of crying! I had fallen in love with them over e-mails and meeting them just made me love them more... Never had I met such an amazing couple I just felt so calm after finally meeting them. I knew that night after we got home from eating dinner together that we were going to be able to be friends and not just birth mother/adoptive family. 

My life took an amazing turn for the better the last few months of my pregnancy. I was sicker then sick due to heartburn I was throwing up so much I was so worried about the baby... That finally the Dr decided to start me a day earlier then planned... But I ended up going into labor on my own go figure the night before. August 7, 2008 was a wonderful yet painful day.

My Elder was their holding my hand along with my parents and Jared and Rebecca. It was so important for me for Jared and Rebecca to be at the hospital and they were so wonderful to get in the car and drive their a day earlier then planned! I wanted Rebecca to have as much of the motherly experience as she could it was so important to me. I wanted her to be able to feel that connection with him the moment he was born. In my eyes I was never his mother just a way to bring him to his mother. The labor wasn't to long by the time I was ready to push everyone left the room but my mom and he was out red hair and all!

Bryce!

Jared and Bryce

Rebecca and Bryce

Letting us know what he thinks of his Car seat :)

My Story Part 2 (telling the world and finding the family)

After I decided adoption was the right thing I search through alot of profiles online I e-mailed 5 families but I already had my favorite one picked out... in my head I knew I would be so sad if they didn't want my baby. Adoption was a whole new world to me I didn't know how it worked I thought it was so inconsiderate of me to even think these people wanted a baby in 4 months was just so soon! was so worried that I wouldn't be able to find a family that wanted my child. Boy was I wrong!  They were more then willing to have a child so soon. Rebecca and Jared were by far my favorite couple I just had a wonderful feeling when I looked at hier page and read the e-mails from them.
 After that night I knew I had to tell everyone else... So I asked my sweet sister Amy to go out to lunch with me I showed her the ultra sounds and she didn't judge me I think she was more shocked then anything else...I was still to scared to tell my parents.. but that same day Amy and my other sister Darcy went and talked to my Bishop and he came over and asked me to tell my parents...
That night I did boy it was the worst time in the world to tell them they were leaving the next week on a Cruise and I really didn't want this hanging over their heads while they were supposed to be having fun...
I try to forget the day I told them never in my life had I felt more like a disappointment and a failure... I remember watching my Mom cry. But I also remember the love they showed me they supported my choice although they wanted to make sure that I made it for the right reasons. I remember the Hug I gave my dad that day we had been through so much together the in the past year and when he hugged me I actually felt hope that I might be okay after this... I knew my parents still loved me even though I had made a mistake and even though I was going to cause them pain when the time came to place my little baby.
Then the thing that gave me the most hope was about 4 days after i had sent my goodbye letter to the Elder I was at work and I remember getting a phone call from my Dad. He told me that the strangest thing happened to him he had gotten a phone call from a young Elder in California asking "what can I do to help Katy"  I was in shock surely I couldn't be lucky enough to still have him care about me. I was used and worthless or so I thought... The Elder called me later on that night and kindly reminded me that I was a daughter of God.... he also reminded me that we all make mistakes but that doesn't make worthless we will always be children of God. I needed that jolt back to reality.
The Friends I had also didn't desert me they respected my choice although some didn't think it was the best idea they kept their opinions to themselves.

The Elder came home 2 1/2 months after he got the letter and helped me through the rest of my pregnancy he was their with me every step of the way.  He even came with me to meet Jared and Rebecca

My Story Part 1 (Finding out I was pregnant)

A young senior in high school my life was perfect I was dating a wonderful guy and I couldn't ask for more. But who falls in love at the age of 16? So,I was talked into breaking up with him so I could "enjoy the high school experience" about 6 months later that wonderful guy left to serve a mission for the LDS Church.
After that I dated "projects" people who didn't have my standards but I thought I could make them better or help them in find their way back to what they used to believe.... Over the next year or so I had been abused in every way possible ending in being sexually abused a day after my 18th birthday. I kept all that information to myself however not telling anyone really... a few knew a few guessed...
during that year I grew to hate myself... I wanted to change everything about me I hated who I had become I hated where I was going I stopped eating I started working alot I worked night and day at one point I was working 3 jobs.  To most people I was a skinny happy work-aholic. I didn't let people into how I was really feeling it was much easier pretending to be happy then dealing with my problems.
At the time I was dating a marine who was stationed out of state, a co-work of mine kept saying all these horrible things about long distance relationships and about marines in general finally he had me talked into breaking it off with the Marnie because lets face it who would be faithful to a girl like me when I am sure their are plenty of pretty girls where he is... Looking back I am sure it was just the co-worker trying to get me away from the marine rather then the marine being unfaithful... but I was just not thinking right....
I started hang out with the co-worker more and more that resulted in a huge mistake. By that time I was 88 pounds losing alot of hair, had alot of ulcers, not sleeping and honestly I was a disaster.
I remember one night in November coming home and kneeling down to pray i was so upset with the choices I had made and so upset over the person I had become I started to change... I tried dating a better guy, I started trying to go to church as hard as it was I quit my jobs and started at a new one for a fresh start, I started eating again and slowly gaining much needed weight back. During this whole time I was getting letters every week from that wonderful guy who was on his mission. so I started to finally write him back. I wasn't make all the right choices i still messed up alot... But I was at least starting to change... I was hanging out with people who were at least really nice to me... did they have my standards at the time... no ... but they were nice to me and it was a start.... my relationship with my parents grew so much during the next 5 months I felt so loved and I felt like they were proud of me. April came along I was a whole new girl I wasn't pretending to much that I was happy I had my moments like any other. But I was finally feeling that at times I could be really happy... I was so excited when I stepped on the scale and I had hit the 100 pound mark it was a wonderful day... but a few days later I knew something was wrong I knew that a choice I had made in November had not only changed my life but the life of many others... Most importantly the life of a perfect little child of god. I was so scared, I cried and cried and all the thoughts were running through my head... my parents weren't going to love me anymore was probably the worst thought I had. I was so grateful for how close we had grown... then i thought about the Elder I had started writing and I wrote him a letter saying thank you for being my friend but I know after you find this out about me that you will never want to talk to me or see me again. and that I was so sorry I had wasted his time and I hoped the best for him, the I thought about my friends who were so nice to me I accepted the fact that I would no longer have any friends.for a second I thought and truly considered going back to my old ways not eating and just slowly letting my body self destruct. Then started to pray.... a thought came to me as I was praying   “We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him.... I got up I went to the computer and I read The Family a proclamation to the world  the line that stuck out to me was this "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity"

That is when I decided adoption was the ONLY option for me I have never looked back and I never will