3 years

Today Bryce is 3!

As the week began to close today crept closer and closer... I am normally just fine when Bryce hits a big mile stone in this case his birthday... But this year something was different I am not sure what made me feel the way I do this year I have my guesses.... But this year I would sit down for a second and just burst into tears.... I have been trying to keep busy and doing a good job and then any free moment I would cry...
After placement there has always been a pain but it hasn't been too bad its not like a could hanging over me and making my days dark its more away for me to remember him and how much I love him and owe him for helping me say on the right path when i was pregnant with him... 
it wasn't that pain yesterday that started to hurt it was something different it was a fear... Bryce is now 3 he is now talking and understanding and learning... now more then ever I fear that he won't understand my choice or when he comes to see me he will hate me... I know a 3 year old is not going to understand birth mothers and adoption or anything like that I don't expect him to but its one year closer to the age where he will understand that.. I am terrified he will think I placed him because I didn't want him or love him i am so scared he will be upset with my choice....
I finally listened to my husband and texted Rebecca and asked her to give him a hug and a kiss and let him know I love him.. I told her I was having a hard time and really needed some pictures... Then I got a phone call and sweet little Bryce was telling me how church was on the other end and "showing" me his dump trucks and letting me know his cake had lots of sprinkles. My heart was for of love for the Dwelle's for calling me and talking to me! They are so understanding I love them so much.
I know when the time comes and Rebecca and Jared have to explain why I placed they will do a wonderful job... I know they love adoption and Bryce will grow to love adoption just as much as they do... I know Bryce is getting older but it doesn't mean he is old enough to hate my guts like all the other horror stories I hear...

I will never regret my choice I love adoption it was truly the best thing for me and for Bryce. It has brought so much joy I can handle days like this when I know he is happy and health and most important sealed to such amazing people!

I love Bryce love the Dwelle  family... And I Love Adoption!