A young senior in high school my life was perfect I was dating a wonderful guy and I couldn't ask for more. But who falls in love at the age of 16? So,I was talked into breaking up with him so I could "enjoy the high school experience" about 6 months later that wonderful guy left to serve a mission for the LDS Church.
After that I dated "projects" people who didn't have my standards but I thought I could make them better or help them in find their way back to what they used to believe.... Over the next year or so I had been abused in every way possible ending in being sexually abused a day after my 18th birthday. I kept all that information to myself however not telling anyone really... a few knew a few guessed...
during that year I grew to hate myself... I wanted to change everything about me I hated who I had become I hated where I was going I stopped eating I started working alot I worked night and day at one point I was working 3 jobs. To most people I was a skinny happy work-aholic. I didn't let people into how I was really feeling it was much easier pretending to be happy then dealing with my problems.
At the time I was dating a marine who was stationed out of state, a co-work of mine kept saying all these horrible things about long distance relationships and about marines in general finally he had me talked into breaking it off with the Marnie because lets face it who would be faithful to a girl like me when I am sure their are plenty of pretty girls where he is... Looking back I am sure it was just the co-worker trying to get me away from the marine rather then the marine being unfaithful... but I was just not thinking right....
I started hang out with the co-worker more and more that resulted in a huge mistake. By that time I was 88 pounds losing alot of hair, had alot of ulcers, not sleeping and honestly I was a disaster.
I remember one night in November coming home and kneeling down to pray i was so upset with the choices I had made and so upset over the person I had become I started to change... I tried dating a better guy, I started trying to go to church as hard as it was I quit my jobs and started at a new one for a fresh start, I started eating again and slowly gaining much needed weight back. During this whole time I was getting letters every week from that wonderful guy who was on his mission. so I started to finally write him back. I wasn't make all the right choices i still messed up alot... But I was at least starting to change... I was hanging out with people who were at least really nice to me... did they have my standards at the time... no ... but they were nice to me and it was a start.... my relationship with my parents grew so much during the next 5 months I felt so loved and I felt like they were proud of me. April came along I was a whole new girl I wasn't pretending to much that I was happy I had my moments like any other. But I was finally feeling that at times I could be really happy... I was so excited when I stepped on the scale and I had hit the 100 pound mark it was a wonderful day... but a few days later I knew something was wrong I knew that a choice I had made in November had not only changed my life but the life of many others... Most importantly the life of a perfect little child of god. I was so scared, I cried and cried and all the thoughts were running through my head... my parents weren't going to love me anymore was probably the worst thought I had. I was so grateful for how close we had grown... then i thought about the Elder I had started writing and I wrote him a letter saying thank you for being my friend but I know after you find this out about me that you will never want to talk to me or see me again. and that I was so sorry I had wasted his time and I hoped the best for him, the I thought about my friends who were so nice to me I accepted the fact that I would no longer have any friends.for a second I thought and truly considered going back to my old ways not eating and just slowly letting my body self destruct. Then started to pray.... a thought came to me as I was praying “We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him.... I got up I went to the computer and I read The Family a proclamation to the world the line that stuck out to me was this "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity"
That is when I decided adoption was the ONLY option for me I have never looked back and I never will
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