The day of placement was a day I will never forget it will always be a part of me, the night I came home it was opening night of the Summer Olympics I sat and watched that which kept my mind off of the thoughts and feelings I was having... But then it was time for bed... I remember going down to my room thinking I would just fall asleep... But sleep never came tears came and I could stop them I cried and cried.. I didn't want my family to see me I just wanted to stay down in my room forever... but sadly I really needed to go to the bathroom (TMI?) I went up stairs and tried to hide my face from my family and failed... My dad saw me and brought me over to his huge rocking chair and held me and rocked me until I was able to calm down.
Looking back on that night I am so thankful to have such wonderful parents who were strong enough to help me through that time... I know that day wasn't easy for them either but they stood by me and supported me through it all!
Grieving is an important part of the adoption process... it helps us heal and it helps us to move forward with our lives. It is so important to have a good cry and to let your feelings out... write it down or talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling.
Bryce will always be a huge part of my life I love him so much, however he is not all of my life... the first week after placement I remember always checking my e-mail I was obsessed with my e-mail I couldn't wait to hear about Bryce and what he was doing... after that first week I realized that my while life can't revolve around my inbox.. I have to move on.. I need to move on....
I was talking to Kyle about all this and that next week or so... whenever I was feeling up to going out for a whole day... he planned a "all about Katy day" it was a wonderful day we walked around gardens went mini golfing, the parade of homes ( I love looking at homes)... We didn't talk about the adoption process we just focused on me that was the rule...
It was the best day I was so happy I was able to see that I wasn't always going to have a dark cloud over me and that my life just needed balance a place for my future but also a place for my past!
I love Bryce and I always will but I am happy to say I am happy and I am proud to say I am a birthmom!
Its okay to be happy I know Bryce would want me to be happy... I know that he is happy and that make everything all worth it!
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