What do you do?

As crazy as it sounds a girl who didn't eat that much... I love to cook I have always loved to cook... some friends from high school would laugh because I made them the worst tasting box macaroni in the world one day... I most of the time made some good food... after High School I went to culinary arts classes at the ATC by my parents house... I fell in love with baking and experimenting with food... I had alot of comments on never trust a skinny chef.. and honestly I tasted my food but I made it for others that's what I enjoyed I am not sure if I did it because a little part of me loved hearing the things people would say about my cooking or if I just like the thought of me being semi okay at something....
Now I am not saying I am the worlds best chef... I am just saying it was my outlet it was my me time.. In alot of ways it still is my me time... I love having friends over and making a meal I love cooking for others... When I placed Bryce I cooked alot before and after placement before I had my son Benjamin when ever I had a bad day at work or I just was so stressed I baked.
the March after I placed Bryce I had been very sick and finally the Doctors were able to discover a huge medical issue from march until September of that year I was so stressed and upset I baked a lot! there was always a goodies at my house for anyone who came over!

So I decided to add a cooking blog there will be a link up at the top!

But now the tables have turned what do you do for yourself? What is you "ME" time what helps you calm down and unwind after a tough day?

Are you a Brave Girl?

Let me let you in on one of my favorite sites in the whole wide world! Its called the Brave Girls club! I love it! I was introduced to it a few months ago when I started attended a birth mother group. I love their blog posts and I absolutely love the daily truths? Why do you ask... Because I am such a firm believer in the fact that each one of us is amazing and special and loved.... But sadly from time to time we all forget that or things happen that just make us feel plain awful... and some times it hurts to be happy...
Well Every morning I wake up to these daily truths and they just put a smile on my face what a way to start a day! I suggest you all go here now and sign up...
Here is so far my favorite one

And Link this story with this blog post from them here


I love it I think so many times we lose sight of the bigger picture focusing on something that hurts us  but it doesn't just hurt us it ends up controlling us and  making us lose sight of the things that are important and its hard to let the pain got and look at the beauty around us. I know so many times I take my trail and make it my life instead of take my trail and make it work around my life... Trials make us who we are they make us stronger but I know I tend to shut people and the world out when I am hurting how amazing would it be if I let people help me and in turn help others!

I love the Brave girls club... I hope you all sign up for the daily truth so you can all start your day off with a smile know how amazing and wonderful you are!

FSA Conference! Are you Going?

Hey Everyone Just a Reminder to sign up for this years FSA conference!
I am So excited its my first one! And I am Presenting and My hubby is on a panel!

Register to come here!

Its going to be wonderful!

Life after Placement

The day of placement was a day I will never forget it will always be a part of me, the night I came home it was opening night of the Summer Olympics I sat and watched that which kept my mind off of the thoughts and feelings I was having... But then it was time for bed... I remember going down to my room thinking I would just fall asleep... But sleep never came tears came and I could stop them I cried and cried.. I didn't want my family to see me I just wanted to stay down in my room forever... but sadly I really needed to go to the bathroom (TMI?) I went up stairs and tried to hide my face from my family and failed... My dad saw me and brought me over to his huge rocking chair and held me and rocked me until I was able to calm down.
Looking back on that night I am so thankful to have such wonderful parents who were strong enough to help me through that time... I know that day wasn't easy for them either but they stood by me and supported me through it all!

Grieving is an important part of the adoption process... it helps us heal and it helps us to move forward with our lives. It is so important to have a good cry and to let your feelings out... write it down or talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling.

Bryce will always be a huge part of my life I love him so much, however he is not all of my life... the first week after placement I remember always checking my e-mail I was obsessed with my e-mail I couldn't wait to hear about Bryce and what he was doing... after that first week I realized that my while life can't revolve around my inbox.. I have to move on.. I need to move on....
I was talking to Kyle about all this and that next week or so... whenever I was feeling up to going out for a whole day... he planned a "all about Katy day" it was a wonderful day we walked around gardens went mini golfing, the parade of homes ( I love looking at homes)... We didn't talk about the adoption process we just focused on me that was the rule...
It was the best day I was so happy I was able to see that  I wasn't always going to have a dark cloud over me and that my life just needed balance a place for my future but also a place for my past!

I love Bryce and I always will but I am happy to say I am happy and I am proud to say I am a birthmom!
Its okay to be happy I know Bryce would want me to be happy... I know that he is happy and that make everything all worth it!

You're Better then you think you are

Along time ago a good friend bought me this book.

 At the time I refused to read it because I was so set on hating myself, as silly as that sounds...

well I finally read it a few years ago...  I love it! 

" We all face responsibilities that seem overwhelming at times, We all have recurring feelings of falling short of our desire to do better. And we all have ample evidence that we are far from perfect."

Isn't that the truth!

When I was going through my tough times I striveed for perfection,

I wanted to be perfect because after a few months of being told you didn't do that right or hit for not loading the dishes right or folding the towels the right way... I felt I had to be perfect in order for anyone to love me! 

I was so wrong and I wish I would have seen how wrong I was. Now I see that it is our imperfections that makes us who we are. No one is perfect if we were then how boning would life be.

In this book it  gives a quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell-

"the first thing to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is that it is normal"

We are not alone in feeling like this i am sure your friends and family all have felt that they can be better...

How ever it gives advice on how to change this...

So here is my challenge for the weekend, Write a not to someone you love... At the end of this note the end of this note  write "you're better than you think you are"

Let us all focus on the things you have done instead of what you haven't focus on the things you have improved on instead of the things you haven't focus on on what good you have in you rather then what bad you think you have.

Lets us all remember, 

We are better than we think we are!

Sincerely, KatyDid

Horton Knows Best

In my sons bedroom I hung as sign it has one of my favorite quotes on it,

"A persons, a person no matter how small" - Dr. Suess

When I had to tell the Birth Father I was expecting I hadn't talk to him in 5 Months I was so terrified. I wrote a letter. Took it to my old work and had a wonderful friend take it in to him. He refused to come out and see me... but he sent a text saying "you should have had it taken care of"

I was so upset over this statement it wasn't Bryce's fault I had made the wrong choice,

Bryce was a sweet innocent child of our heavenly father why should he have to suffer for my mistakes.

If you are expecting and you are thinking about abortion please allow me to plea with you to take a different route... I know how scary it is to find out you are pregnant at a young age and alone. But I can promise you if you chose abortion it will always weigh on your mind you will have a pain that can never be filled.

adoption brings happiness it is hard it is painful but you will be able to have the reassuring knowledge that your child has a life that is full of love, hope, joy, and happiness.

Know that you are not alone in this journey their are so many who can help you!

Always Remember

"A persons, A person no matter how small"

I love Adoption!

The End of the Beginning that is

Jared, Rebecca,Bryce, and Kuma

Me and Kyle

Well as most of you have guessed life went on the day after placement, The Elder in my story is now my sweet husband Kyle. Bryce is now almost 3 and I now have a boy of my own who is almost 1!

We have an open adoption and just recently I started advocating for adoption.

I have such a passion for adoption, for birth mothers and for adoptive mothers! Together birth families and adoptive families make this such a special blessing.

I know that Bryce will understand one day that I didn't place him because  I didn't want him or love him I placed him so he could have the things I couldn't give him I placed him so he could have an enternal family I placed him so he could have a father who loved him and who would teach him right from wrong and how to play ball.... (Although I must say the 49ers are so much better then the Bronco's its okay Jared I forgive you you have been brain washed.)

Bryce 3 weeks old Visiting Before he was able to finally go home



Jared, Rebecca, Bryce, and Me on my Wedding Day



My Son Benjamin, Bryce's younger Brother Carter, And Bryce



Bryce and Baby Brother Carter



Me and Bryce age 2



Me and Bryce almost 2

My Story Part 4

Placement day- other wise known as a very hard day

I wanted out of the hospital as soon as I could I hate hospitals.... So 24 hours after Bryce was born we did the placement. To be honest I didn't know what to think that day I had no idea what to expect.
I sat in the room with Bryce and The Elder  I told Bryce How much I loved him I explained to him how important he was to me and how blessed he is to have so many people love him. I told him all about Jared and Rebecca and how he would grow to love the out doors just as much as they did... I told him he even had a dog and Kuma was going to love him so much! I remember singing to him I am a Child Of God I explained to him how important it was to have an eternal family and that returning to live with our heavenly father is our whole purpose of coming to earth. I begged his forgiveness for not being perfect and for any pain I may have caused him.
And then I was okay my shoulder felt a huge weight lift off of them I know he had no idea what I was saying but I knew Jared and Rebecca would explain how much I loved him!
I pulled myself together enough to not cry for when Jared and Rebecca entered the room but then I saw Rebecca crying and I just lost it. Never in my life have I felt so much love for someone she understood how hard it was and she knew it was going to be very painful for me to say goodbye.
Reading the papers was the worst and hardest thing to get through...(Come to find out you can totally read them before the placement! I strongly suggest doing that.)
When the time came for me to Place Bryce in Rebecca's arms I felt such a peace come over me. I cried and Cried but not cause I was sad but because I knew how right this was. I knew how much Bryce needed to be with Jared and Rebecca.

On the day of the placement I gave Bryce a teddy bear. I built this teddy bear when I was a senior in high school and when I like to say my life was alot simpler.

Placement day- otherwise known as A day that makes you stronger

My Story Part 3

Never in my life have I been so scared to meet someone then I was the day I went to meet Jared and Rebecca! I thought so many things and i think I changed clothes alot that morning. I thought what if they think I am ugly so I will have an ugly baby and they wont want him... or what if I walk in the room and they get a bad feeling and they say "I am sorry this was all a mistake"
But Thankfully nothing bad happened just alot of crying! I had fallen in love with them over e-mails and meeting them just made me love them more... Never had I met such an amazing couple I just felt so calm after finally meeting them. I knew that night after we got home from eating dinner together that we were going to be able to be friends and not just birth mother/adoptive family. 

My life took an amazing turn for the better the last few months of my pregnancy. I was sicker then sick due to heartburn I was throwing up so much I was so worried about the baby... That finally the Dr decided to start me a day earlier then planned... But I ended up going into labor on my own go figure the night before. August 7, 2008 was a wonderful yet painful day.

My Elder was their holding my hand along with my parents and Jared and Rebecca. It was so important for me for Jared and Rebecca to be at the hospital and they were so wonderful to get in the car and drive their a day earlier then planned! I wanted Rebecca to have as much of the motherly experience as she could it was so important to me. I wanted her to be able to feel that connection with him the moment he was born. In my eyes I was never his mother just a way to bring him to his mother. The labor wasn't to long by the time I was ready to push everyone left the room but my mom and he was out red hair and all!

Bryce!

Jared and Bryce

Rebecca and Bryce

Letting us know what he thinks of his Car seat :)

My Story Part 2 (telling the world and finding the family)

After I decided adoption was the right thing I search through alot of profiles online I e-mailed 5 families but I already had my favorite one picked out... in my head I knew I would be so sad if they didn't want my baby. Adoption was a whole new world to me I didn't know how it worked I thought it was so inconsiderate of me to even think these people wanted a baby in 4 months was just so soon! was so worried that I wouldn't be able to find a family that wanted my child. Boy was I wrong!  They were more then willing to have a child so soon. Rebecca and Jared were by far my favorite couple I just had a wonderful feeling when I looked at hier page and read the e-mails from them.
 After that night I knew I had to tell everyone else... So I asked my sweet sister Amy to go out to lunch with me I showed her the ultra sounds and she didn't judge me I think she was more shocked then anything else...I was still to scared to tell my parents.. but that same day Amy and my other sister Darcy went and talked to my Bishop and he came over and asked me to tell my parents...
That night I did boy it was the worst time in the world to tell them they were leaving the next week on a Cruise and I really didn't want this hanging over their heads while they were supposed to be having fun...
I try to forget the day I told them never in my life had I felt more like a disappointment and a failure... I remember watching my Mom cry. But I also remember the love they showed me they supported my choice although they wanted to make sure that I made it for the right reasons. I remember the Hug I gave my dad that day we had been through so much together the in the past year and when he hugged me I actually felt hope that I might be okay after this... I knew my parents still loved me even though I had made a mistake and even though I was going to cause them pain when the time came to place my little baby.
Then the thing that gave me the most hope was about 4 days after i had sent my goodbye letter to the Elder I was at work and I remember getting a phone call from my Dad. He told me that the strangest thing happened to him he had gotten a phone call from a young Elder in California asking "what can I do to help Katy"  I was in shock surely I couldn't be lucky enough to still have him care about me. I was used and worthless or so I thought... The Elder called me later on that night and kindly reminded me that I was a daughter of God.... he also reminded me that we all make mistakes but that doesn't make worthless we will always be children of God. I needed that jolt back to reality.
The Friends I had also didn't desert me they respected my choice although some didn't think it was the best idea they kept their opinions to themselves.

The Elder came home 2 1/2 months after he got the letter and helped me through the rest of my pregnancy he was their with me every step of the way.  He even came with me to meet Jared and Rebecca

My Story Part 1 (Finding out I was pregnant)

A young senior in high school my life was perfect I was dating a wonderful guy and I couldn't ask for more. But who falls in love at the age of 16? So,I was talked into breaking up with him so I could "enjoy the high school experience" about 6 months later that wonderful guy left to serve a mission for the LDS Church.
After that I dated "projects" people who didn't have my standards but I thought I could make them better or help them in find their way back to what they used to believe.... Over the next year or so I had been abused in every way possible ending in being sexually abused a day after my 18th birthday. I kept all that information to myself however not telling anyone really... a few knew a few guessed...
during that year I grew to hate myself... I wanted to change everything about me I hated who I had become I hated where I was going I stopped eating I started working alot I worked night and day at one point I was working 3 jobs.  To most people I was a skinny happy work-aholic. I didn't let people into how I was really feeling it was much easier pretending to be happy then dealing with my problems.
At the time I was dating a marine who was stationed out of state, a co-work of mine kept saying all these horrible things about long distance relationships and about marines in general finally he had me talked into breaking it off with the Marnie because lets face it who would be faithful to a girl like me when I am sure their are plenty of pretty girls where he is... Looking back I am sure it was just the co-worker trying to get me away from the marine rather then the marine being unfaithful... but I was just not thinking right....
I started hang out with the co-worker more and more that resulted in a huge mistake. By that time I was 88 pounds losing alot of hair, had alot of ulcers, not sleeping and honestly I was a disaster.
I remember one night in November coming home and kneeling down to pray i was so upset with the choices I had made and so upset over the person I had become I started to change... I tried dating a better guy, I started trying to go to church as hard as it was I quit my jobs and started at a new one for a fresh start, I started eating again and slowly gaining much needed weight back. During this whole time I was getting letters every week from that wonderful guy who was on his mission. so I started to finally write him back. I wasn't make all the right choices i still messed up alot... But I was at least starting to change... I was hanging out with people who were at least really nice to me... did they have my standards at the time... no ... but they were nice to me and it was a start.... my relationship with my parents grew so much during the next 5 months I felt so loved and I felt like they were proud of me. April came along I was a whole new girl I wasn't pretending to much that I was happy I had my moments like any other. But I was finally feeling that at times I could be really happy... I was so excited when I stepped on the scale and I had hit the 100 pound mark it was a wonderful day... but a few days later I knew something was wrong I knew that a choice I had made in November had not only changed my life but the life of many others... Most importantly the life of a perfect little child of god. I was so scared, I cried and cried and all the thoughts were running through my head... my parents weren't going to love me anymore was probably the worst thought I had. I was so grateful for how close we had grown... then i thought about the Elder I had started writing and I wrote him a letter saying thank you for being my friend but I know after you find this out about me that you will never want to talk to me or see me again. and that I was so sorry I had wasted his time and I hoped the best for him, the I thought about my friends who were so nice to me I accepted the fact that I would no longer have any friends.for a second I thought and truly considered going back to my old ways not eating and just slowly letting my body self destruct. Then started to pray.... a thought came to me as I was praying   “We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him.... I got up I went to the computer and I read The Family a proclamation to the world  the line that stuck out to me was this "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity"

That is when I decided adoption was the ONLY option for me I have never looked back and I never will