You know the feeling when things just aren't going your way... like this black cloud of misery is just following you around? I am not saying like having a bad day I mean like having a bad week, month or months maybe even year? Ya I have had those...
You worry what more could possible go wrong and just when you think you hit the bottom it just keeps on coming!
I have had my moments where I blamed alot of people.. then I blamed myself and well that didn't turn out so well for me... But after my pregnancy with Bryce and after i placed I thought okay life is going to get better now..
I love the story Cinderella and I love happy endings! I found my Prince Charming, my Mr. Darcy, it was my turn for a happily ever after. Right?
Wrong! So wrong... I would like to think that after me and Kyle got married we would have no problems life would just be easy.
Well I was wrong life is never easy I found.... In my mind the lord had tested me enough and it was time for a break time for life to slow down.
When I was at the end of my pregnancy with Bryce I was very very sick... I was in so much pain and I had heart burn with everything they couldn't figure out what was wrong. After I had Bryce things got better I felt better but my heart burn never went away I was drinking bottles of Malox and Mylanta like they were kool-aid. Luckily I found a great job at a medical clinic and I had good insurance and they paid for some of my medical bills if I went to that clinic. So I decided to try going to a heartburn Doctor... however i still feared men so i went to a mid-level since it was a girl so we tried every type of heartburn pill and found I was allergic to all of them... awesome...
Then I finally went to see the Male Doctor there who was an actual M.D. He thought the heartburn surgery they do would fix my little problem but just decided to do a C.T. scan just to make sure everything was good...
4 hours after my scan I got a call... I knew something was wrong because they said they would tell me my results in 2 days.... Not 4 hours... My Doctor told me they found two lesions on my liver and I needed an emergency MRI.... The next morning I got the MRI done and went back to work thinking it would be a few days to read that on at least... 3 hours later I was making an appointment with a local hospital to have a biopsy done on one of the tumors they had found on my liver...
I was very upset for awhile I remember thinking "Really heavenly father really? haven't I done enough haven't I shown enough strength for one year?"
Then after anger I blamed my self again thinking this must be a punishment for making so many mistakes in my life this must be payback for me not living the life I should have.... Then I was terrified about what would happen next and how me and Kyle would handle it...
At the Hospital the next day 6 hours of waiting and about an hour of laying on a table being poked with needles they gave up all hope of a biopsy and decided Huntsman Cancer Center was the best place for me... The tumor was to close to all my vital organs for them to try the Biopsy...
So 2 weeks later we were off to the Cancer center.. and suddenly all thoughts about why me and how come left..... walking through the halls holding hand with my husband I was humbled beyond words... I watched families holding children who were battle cancer... I watch husbands and wives doing puzzles together in the halls one with an iv in their hand and no hair on their head.. I watched families in the waiting room terrified of what was next.... Suddenly I felt thankful.. I was so thankful I wasn't waiting to hear about my child or about my husband I was thankful it was me and no one else I was thankful that I had been blessed to have a smaller trial then those around me.
2 months later I went back to the cancer center to have my tumor removed thankful it was not cancerous and the other tumor is to small to worry about so I never have to go back (knock on wood)
But from April to September I though my life could not get any worse.... I was upset and angry and hurt...
But I learned so much now I find I am so thankful for the chance I had to do experience all of those things...
Some days we just are so overloaded that we ask why... but I can tell you after a few months or even a year you will see why and you might even be thankful for the trial placed before you! Some things I do hope you do when your hit with the rainstorm over your head that seems it will never end is 1. remember you are not alone. 2. Never blame your self know that its part of life some times bad things happen to good people 3. pull out your umbrella and just smile because you are loved
